dallas ... in reverse
..and no, I don't mean sallad !
In the series Dallas, there is a scene where Victoria Wotsername (or rather than character she plays) wakes up to find "Bobby" in the shower and the past X years were all a dream.
For me its the reverse of that. I wake up to find *no* man next to me, no man in the shower. I walk in after walk and there's no one there :(
And the past X years were not a dream, but the reality was a lie.
and its like that every morning...
It has been suggested I need to move on. Only by one person... but knowing he has gone, and that I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole if his lying cheating toeragness turned up on my doorstep... is NOT the same as "getting over it" or "moving on".
Sure I have to accept the new reality. But that does not mean I have to *like* it. It does not mean I have to accept the fact that eleven years of my life have been stolen by someone else's false pretences ... and accept it with absolutely no reaction, no emotion what so ever ! Doesn't mean I have to not miss, not regret what he has taken away from me. I thought I had a loving caring partner and I *liked* waking up next to that. I miss that not only am I not doing that now, but actually I was not doing that then either :( (can you miss something in retrospect ? cos it feels like I do).
In the series Dallas, there is a scene where Victoria Wotsername (or rather than character she plays) wakes up to find "Bobby" in the shower and the past X years were all a dream.
For me its the reverse of that. I wake up to find *no* man next to me, no man in the shower. I walk in after walk and there's no one there :(
And the past X years were not a dream, but the reality was a lie.
and its like that every morning...
It has been suggested I need to move on. Only by one person... but knowing he has gone, and that I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole if his lying cheating toeragness turned up on my doorstep... is NOT the same as "getting over it" or "moving on".
Sure I have to accept the new reality. But that does not mean I have to *like* it. It does not mean I have to accept the fact that eleven years of my life have been stolen by someone else's false pretences ... and accept it with absolutely no reaction, no emotion what so ever ! Doesn't mean I have to not miss, not regret what he has taken away from me. I thought I had a loving caring partner and I *liked* waking up next to that. I miss that not only am I not doing that now, but actually I was not doing that then either :( (can you miss something in retrospect ? cos it feels like I do).
posted by seahorse at 7:10 pm
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