how much time ?
been thinking some more about the "advice to move on". You know if my partner had died, no one would think 3 months was a long time. They would understand how milestones like Christmas, New Year... and so on (his birthday (done), Valentine's day, my birthday etc(to do)) are difficult - especially first time through.
Now in effect the partner I loved has not just left the building, he no longer exists, anywhere on this planet... so how different is that ? Sure what I lost turned out not to be *real* - but at the time I didn't know that. Three months is only just a little bit more than a week for every *year* of our relationship - hardly much time at all.
Anyway - while there are aspects that I am moving forward on, discovery that eleven years of life have been under false pretences, a lie, gives you quite a lot to assimilate, integrate etc emotionally and mentally.
Having new lights to get installed in the hall, sorting out a new cooker hood, doesn't alter the emotional journey I need to take to be able to deal with the (devastating) blow LCT dealt me. It does not mean I want to reverse my course - just that I still have a way to travel to find my way again, having been knocked way off course by the LCT.
I still struggle a little with the whole "faith" aspect of this. LCT was attending a local church reguarly, researching texts etc and seemed to think I would have nothing to offer on the subject. Yet at the time he was breaking at least one commandment. So what is more appropriate to a faith - someone who actually lives their life by a certain set of values, rules - or someone who attends services regularly, reads the book, but actually behaves in a very contrary way to that set of beliefs ? And the church he attended - presumably he conned them as much as he conned any of us. But he has shown no remorse, regret, no repentence or attempt to make amends. I know where I stand - I believe the way you behave to be the more important of the two.
Now in effect the partner I loved has not just left the building, he no longer exists, anywhere on this planet... so how different is that ? Sure what I lost turned out not to be *real* - but at the time I didn't know that. Three months is only just a little bit more than a week for every *year* of our relationship - hardly much time at all.
Anyway - while there are aspects that I am moving forward on, discovery that eleven years of life have been under false pretences, a lie, gives you quite a lot to assimilate, integrate etc emotionally and mentally.
Having new lights to get installed in the hall, sorting out a new cooker hood, doesn't alter the emotional journey I need to take to be able to deal with the (devastating) blow LCT dealt me. It does not mean I want to reverse my course - just that I still have a way to travel to find my way again, having been knocked way off course by the LCT.
I still struggle a little with the whole "faith" aspect of this. LCT was attending a local church reguarly, researching texts etc and seemed to think I would have nothing to offer on the subject. Yet at the time he was breaking at least one commandment. So what is more appropriate to a faith - someone who actually lives their life by a certain set of values, rules - or someone who attends services regularly, reads the book, but actually behaves in a very contrary way to that set of beliefs ? And the church he attended - presumably he conned them as much as he conned any of us. But he has shown no remorse, regret, no repentence or attempt to make amends. I know where I stand - I believe the way you behave to be the more important of the two.
posted by seahorse at 10:33 pm
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