howling at the moon
I feel....
restless
It is not just about the upcoming milestone. When I was first by myself, a friend suggested I might feel like howling at the moon. At the very first I felt that if I did that I might never stop... plus not drinking kind of makes it a bit of a damp squib.
But now I start to feel that I really do need to just.... I don't know, just something. Not very articulate I know.
I guess I am a little impatient with myself. There are parts of me that have been pretty much unexpressed, in suspended animation, for 11 years. When I have to remember what it is like being single, it is that 11-years-ago me that is all I have to fall back on. But the reality is now - is me eleven years on. With all the wear and tear that the last 11 years entailed.
(Guess who just got the run photos back and yes I AM once again doing a convincing baby elephat impression :( )
I can't go out and be the me I was, because that is not me anymore.
I'm not making much sense so I shall stop here and try and get my head around how I feel.
restless
It is not just about the upcoming milestone. When I was first by myself, a friend suggested I might feel like howling at the moon. At the very first I felt that if I did that I might never stop... plus not drinking kind of makes it a bit of a damp squib.
But now I start to feel that I really do need to just.... I don't know, just something. Not very articulate I know.
I guess I am a little impatient with myself. There are parts of me that have been pretty much unexpressed, in suspended animation, for 11 years. When I have to remember what it is like being single, it is that 11-years-ago me that is all I have to fall back on. But the reality is now - is me eleven years on. With all the wear and tear that the last 11 years entailed.
(Guess who just got the run photos back and yes I AM once again doing a convincing baby elephat impression :( )
I can't go out and be the me I was, because that is not me anymore.
I'm not making much sense so I shall stop here and try and get my head around how I feel.
posted by seahorse at 11:50 pm
1 Comments:
When in doubt, Oblique Strategies ! First two that came out :
"State the problem as clearly as possible."
and
"Go outside. Shut the door."
Hmmmm..... Someone once asked Eno to join in an email discussion group about his work. He declined, and part of the email included ...
"Discovering things is clumsy and sporadic, and the results don't at first compare well with the glossy and lauded works of the past. You have to keep reminding yourself that they went through that as well, otherwise they become frighteningly accomplished. That's another problem with being made to think about your own past - you forget its genesis and start to feel useless awe towards your earlier self “How did I do it? Wherever did these ideas come from?". Now, the workaday everyday now, always looks relatively less glamorous than the rose-tinted then (except for those magic hours when your finger is right on the pulse, and those times only happen when you've abandoned the lifeline of your own history)."
Right, I'm away back to rewiring a rack. I may be some time. There will be blood, sweat and quite possibly tears. Toodle-pip !
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