these are a few of the things that I miss.....

it is strange. I find myself missing things.

Like someone to talk to after a day at work
Like when I see something interesting on my journeys to and fro, or in the newspaper
Like someone to hold me, to kiss me like they mean it

and yet I didn't have those things before the LCT left.

He was monosyllabic and non-communicative, showing little interest in anything other than his boredom, his lack of money, his need to fulfill his own needs without any care for anyone else's (mine, his son(s) )

He showed little affection.

Of course I put all that down to his (known) mental illness (post traumatic stress) whereas there may have been other explanations. With the tangled tales he told, it must have got increasingly difficult for him to remember what he had said to whom... much easier not to talk at all !

But aside from that, how can I miss something I didn't have ??!!

The only conclusion I can draw is that when the LCT was here, I simply did not see those things as available to me, as something possible to have. I could not contemplate being unfaithful to him (ironic given he had *always* been unfaithful to me, right from day zero). And he seemed incapable, at that point in time, of providing those things.

Whereas now I am single, it once again becomes possible that I *might* someday, somehow, somewhere, have a chance of some of those things....