dear diary....
Well I just went through all my posts to date to remind myself of the journey so far. I've never really told the full story of the LCT - but that is probably putting him in the right place - in the past and context only. So I'm not going to fix that one. But there are are few points I ought to update on:
firstly the running. At one stage I was convinced some of those times I had recorded must be wrong. I "lost" a minute that I never seem to have got back and all my times were 18 minutes something not 17 minutes.
After this year's Race For Life, I did an easy run a week later. It took me almost 20 minutes and my legs just felt tired. Subsequent weeks have only really taken 30 seconds off that. But today I just tried working on the quality of stride, and the "bounce" in it (and trying not to shorten it up too much), and was back down to 18mins 20 seconds :D I'd had an idea before that running "faster" was actually about stride length rather than tempo... but needed to focus back on that and push myself a little more.
Anyway, I do some of my best thinking when running or driving... and I was thinking about something that came up at the recent riding clinic I was at. The trainer talked about how my horse needed to let get mentally of some of the "ideas" she had, and how that would relate to her also letting go physically (and hence moving better through her back etc).
Well that letting go is also something I need to do. I've done Alexander Technique lessons before and I know how much the inner thoughts, tension etc can affect the muscles, movement and so on.
So - there are those that might think that corresponding with the Other Significant Other is the opposite of that. But in a weird way it *is* about letting go. For me, those 11 years are not something I can erase, but they are part of my past and have a limited relevance to my present or future. The OSO is in a very different place to me. Not only did she initially chose to stick with the LCT, but she is now having her world (and her childrens) turned upside down for a second time. In seeking evidence to prove how and when the LCT contacted her, she is finding an anchor for herself. For me, it raises some interesting points - but my interest is still more in getting myself fit in all senses for my life now and in the future, not in harking back to a past that is closed. I had previously said/thought that so much the LCT said was lies that you really couldn't trust anything without independent verification. Well recent events have served to remind me of that. And really all the OSO is seeking is that independent evidence. If you like, my role is passive. It is not about wallowing in my own misfortune. It is not about her misfortune. It is simply about speaking the truth when required. The silence that went before was contributory, in my view, to LCT managing to maintain the situation as long as he did. I don't have a responsibility to the New Fiancee - she has information available that neither I nor the OSO had. If she asks, I won't lie to her, as I haven't when others have asked. But she hasn't asked - and I doubt she will. Whereas the OSO has asked.
On to more pleasant subjects - it was interesting, reading the older posts, how often music crops up. I never got beyond basic recorder playing at school. I did do dance until I was 10 - when I realised that being short and heading towards a curvy future probably meant horses were a better choice :D But for many years I would hear music and "see" dancers in my head - now it is horses doing freestyle dressage :D Or I find my feet tapping...
Clearly music is still a theme for me. I can't play or sing, but it is a part of my life, of me. Tonight I was listening to Tom Jones - Reload which is quite fun because of all the other people he sings with.
And in terms of reading - way back when I mentioned Blink (which I read) and The Tipping Point (by the same author). Well I am now reading The Tipping Point, and it is quite interesting. I'd still like to work out what the equivalent is at a personal level... that point when something you have been unsure or in two minds about crystalises into a certain decision.
And it seems I didn't have 100% writers block, as flicking through an old note book (I tend to carry one with me), I found this from June last year...
For a brief moment
I thought you were
something else,
true, honest, loving,
not consumed by self.
You were bright
and I was dazzled.
The reflection hiding
not depths,but shallows.
firstly the running. At one stage I was convinced some of those times I had recorded must be wrong. I "lost" a minute that I never seem to have got back and all my times were 18 minutes something not 17 minutes.
After this year's Race For Life, I did an easy run a week later. It took me almost 20 minutes and my legs just felt tired. Subsequent weeks have only really taken 30 seconds off that. But today I just tried working on the quality of stride, and the "bounce" in it (and trying not to shorten it up too much), and was back down to 18mins 20 seconds :D I'd had an idea before that running "faster" was actually about stride length rather than tempo... but needed to focus back on that and push myself a little more.
Anyway, I do some of my best thinking when running or driving... and I was thinking about something that came up at the recent riding clinic I was at. The trainer talked about how my horse needed to let get mentally of some of the "ideas" she had, and how that would relate to her also letting go physically (and hence moving better through her back etc).
Well that letting go is also something I need to do. I've done Alexander Technique lessons before and I know how much the inner thoughts, tension etc can affect the muscles, movement and so on.
So - there are those that might think that corresponding with the Other Significant Other is the opposite of that. But in a weird way it *is* about letting go. For me, those 11 years are not something I can erase, but they are part of my past and have a limited relevance to my present or future. The OSO is in a very different place to me. Not only did she initially chose to stick with the LCT, but she is now having her world (and her childrens) turned upside down for a second time. In seeking evidence to prove how and when the LCT contacted her, she is finding an anchor for herself. For me, it raises some interesting points - but my interest is still more in getting myself fit in all senses for my life now and in the future, not in harking back to a past that is closed. I had previously said/thought that so much the LCT said was lies that you really couldn't trust anything without independent verification. Well recent events have served to remind me of that. And really all the OSO is seeking is that independent evidence. If you like, my role is passive. It is not about wallowing in my own misfortune. It is not about her misfortune. It is simply about speaking the truth when required. The silence that went before was contributory, in my view, to LCT managing to maintain the situation as long as he did. I don't have a responsibility to the New Fiancee - she has information available that neither I nor the OSO had. If she asks, I won't lie to her, as I haven't when others have asked. But she hasn't asked - and I doubt she will. Whereas the OSO has asked.
On to more pleasant subjects - it was interesting, reading the older posts, how often music crops up. I never got beyond basic recorder playing at school. I did do dance until I was 10 - when I realised that being short and heading towards a curvy future probably meant horses were a better choice :D But for many years I would hear music and "see" dancers in my head - now it is horses doing freestyle dressage :D Or I find my feet tapping...
Clearly music is still a theme for me. I can't play or sing, but it is a part of my life, of me. Tonight I was listening to Tom Jones - Reload which is quite fun because of all the other people he sings with.
And in terms of reading - way back when I mentioned Blink (which I read) and The Tipping Point (by the same author). Well I am now reading The Tipping Point, and it is quite interesting. I'd still like to work out what the equivalent is at a personal level... that point when something you have been unsure or in two minds about crystalises into a certain decision.
And it seems I didn't have 100% writers block, as flicking through an old note book (I tend to carry one with me), I found this from June last year...
For a brief moment
I thought you were
something else,
true, honest, loving,
not consumed by self.
You were bright
and I was dazzled.
The reflection hiding
not depths,but shallows.
posted by seahorse at 9:21 pm
3 Comments:
Hi. I got here via your horse blog, just so you know how I found you. I relate a lot to your searching and growing process and wanted to check if you've explored the relationship paradigm described by Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendrix in their books. They have personally helped RNB and I deepen our connectedness at a time when we were slowly spiraling further and further apart with hurtful, defensive habits. That has changed, still lots of intentional work, but I eagerly participate as it means our togetherness is based on reality not just the dreams of either of us. Plus anything I do to become more aware and consicous and individuated helps my horse relationships!
thanks for that ljb. I had a quick look at the Imago idea. I'm not sure it would help with someone who was deliberately lying and misleading in such a plausible and convincing way that even the professional counsellor we went to for couple counselling didn't pick up on it ! (i.e. the problem was way more than this person being an Imago to me)
when serious mental health issues are involved, all bets are off.
I have had some exposure to counselling as part of my management training, so am not totally unreceptive to the usefulness of ideas like this.
Just because it is not something that worked with the extreme case I was dealing with, does not mean it is not useful to look further into ;)
p.s. I think the Couple Counsellor used an approach similar to the Imago Dialogue...
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