death by 100 cuts
... of my relationship that is.
It has been a little strange. The Other Significant Other (OSO) had felt that the New Fiancee and NF's parents were not taking seriously her comments about her relationship with the LCT. She feels that it may come to needing proof, so had asked if I could send her the itemised part of my phone bills.
It is strange, to document your partner's infidelity. And strange that the exact same thing that validates her relationshop merely nails another coffin into mine. Knowing that he called her pretty much every day he could, waiting for me to leave the house to go and feed horses. He must have had the timing down pat - to be back sitting looking like butter wouldn't melt...
Of course it is just detailing what I already knew. But it is still a little weird.
It seems I am also being written out of history. Or perhaps being rewritten as well as having my role reduced. It seems he was single - and not with me at all ! Oh, and apparently I have poor people skills. How he would know that when he wasn't with me ? And if I was so horrible, why did he stay with me so long ? (ah, maybe that is why I am written out ?) And apparently I sent malicious emails when he left - but why would I do that if he was single ? I guess it depends which story he is telling - how on earth does he keep it all straight ?
The emotional side of me smarts - but the rational logical side keeps reminding myself that this is a guy who invented a stint in pyschiatric hospital rather than tell the truth (to OSO and NF - slightly different stories to each).
It is slightly unnerving that there are people out there who are hearing things about me, from someone who is very plausible, where I have no opportunity to correct that impression. In the days when the world was smaller and closer, the people would all have been local and it would have been easier to do something about it. These days the world is somehow more spread out - so people in another country are hearing things about me, and I have no chance to tell my side. Now that should not really matter - as their distance means the impression they have been given is unlikely to have any effect on me. And I guess in most cases I would not even know these things were being said. But I do (know). I guess if it was ever in a situation that would impact me, and I had proof, I could pursue him for slander. But I think he is too careful to put himself in that situation.
It is one of the strange things about this whole situation. The LCT puts an amazing amount of effort into keeping these multiple situations all going. But then he seems to take risks - inviting both women to the same event. Perhaps they are calculated in that he has already figured one or both will not be able to make it, so the invite is "safe". But sometimes it seems he is deliberately courting disaster. Perhaps this is one of the things he gets out of it ? (Given he has deliberately got himself back into a similar situation).
I still feel very *used*. What was I to him ? A supplier of a roof, food on the table, goodies to play with ? but nothing else ? was that all I was worth to him ? The thought that he could have been unfaithful on the two or three times a year he visited his child and OSO (and his other son, but I didn't know that at the time) - that was bad enough. To know that he was also calling her most days - as a partner, a lover - that is complete treachery. The guy is a snake.
And I feel more than a little stupid - which for me is the ultimate sin !
I guess I'll just have to get over it. I'm not the only one taken in by him.
What is that quote: "the greatest thing you will ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return"
It has been a little strange. The Other Significant Other (OSO) had felt that the New Fiancee and NF's parents were not taking seriously her comments about her relationship with the LCT. She feels that it may come to needing proof, so had asked if I could send her the itemised part of my phone bills.
It is strange, to document your partner's infidelity. And strange that the exact same thing that validates her relationshop merely nails another coffin into mine. Knowing that he called her pretty much every day he could, waiting for me to leave the house to go and feed horses. He must have had the timing down pat - to be back sitting looking like butter wouldn't melt...
Of course it is just detailing what I already knew. But it is still a little weird.
It seems I am also being written out of history. Or perhaps being rewritten as well as having my role reduced. It seems he was single - and not with me at all ! Oh, and apparently I have poor people skills. How he would know that when he wasn't with me ? And if I was so horrible, why did he stay with me so long ? (ah, maybe that is why I am written out ?) And apparently I sent malicious emails when he left - but why would I do that if he was single ? I guess it depends which story he is telling - how on earth does he keep it all straight ?
The emotional side of me smarts - but the rational logical side keeps reminding myself that this is a guy who invented a stint in pyschiatric hospital rather than tell the truth (to OSO and NF - slightly different stories to each).
It is slightly unnerving that there are people out there who are hearing things about me, from someone who is very plausible, where I have no opportunity to correct that impression. In the days when the world was smaller and closer, the people would all have been local and it would have been easier to do something about it. These days the world is somehow more spread out - so people in another country are hearing things about me, and I have no chance to tell my side. Now that should not really matter - as their distance means the impression they have been given is unlikely to have any effect on me. And I guess in most cases I would not even know these things were being said. But I do (know). I guess if it was ever in a situation that would impact me, and I had proof, I could pursue him for slander. But I think he is too careful to put himself in that situation.
It is one of the strange things about this whole situation. The LCT puts an amazing amount of effort into keeping these multiple situations all going. But then he seems to take risks - inviting both women to the same event. Perhaps they are calculated in that he has already figured one or both will not be able to make it, so the invite is "safe". But sometimes it seems he is deliberately courting disaster. Perhaps this is one of the things he gets out of it ? (Given he has deliberately got himself back into a similar situation).
I still feel very *used*. What was I to him ? A supplier of a roof, food on the table, goodies to play with ? but nothing else ? was that all I was worth to him ? The thought that he could have been unfaithful on the two or three times a year he visited his child and OSO (and his other son, but I didn't know that at the time) - that was bad enough. To know that he was also calling her most days - as a partner, a lover - that is complete treachery. The guy is a snake.
And I feel more than a little stupid - which for me is the ultimate sin !
I guess I'll just have to get over it. I'm not the only one taken in by him.
What is that quote: "the greatest thing you will ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return"
posted by seahorse at 10:24 pm
2 Comments:
Seahorse,
You say your LCT '...invented a stint in a pyschiatric [sic] hospital rather than tell the truth...', but having read your various comments over the weeks and months, my only conclusion is that the invention is in fact the reality. The LCT clearly has mental health issue, if he is not a borderline sociopath.
The saying "...the lady doth protest too much...", but here I think the opposite is true. The lady doth protest too little. I'd have killed the bugger. :-)
Nevertheless, your progress is commendable. Don't worry about the pace - in this regard slow is good. However, I have to question the sense of communicating with those connected to the LCT. It probably does more harm than good - after all, insanity is contagious.
Yours - Maledict
Maledict,
that is the irony of the tale - he was most definitely not in a hospital, unless you count my house as a madhouse ;)
But that is probably where he should have been, given the scale of his issues.
I will probably never to get to use this line for real, which is a shame, but I wanted him to be committed - what I didn't realise was that he should have been !
(And yes, I probably should spellcheck now and then so I get psychiatric right - but then I might wimp out of some of what I write !)
Post a Comment
<< Home