Music's the medicine of the mind. ~John A. Logan
(you'll have to read to the end for the title to make sense !)
Dealing with some of the stuff I heard the LCT had said about me - I started to realise that the ones I reacted most to were not about him, but about the events he was using to back them up. i.e. it was actually about something else entirely.
LCT and I were together for 11 years. Completely coincidently, I had been with my previous employer for 11 years when I was made redundant. I had an identity, a history, a "family" - and I lost them. In a way I did have time to grieve, to come to terms with it, as I was job hunting for 18 months. But during that time my focus was on what next, how to deal with the bills, selling houses, all those practical things that have to happen. So there are still some bits and pieces in there that are a little fragile.
In the meantime I got given another chance. Initially it was a 4 month contract, but I guess I didn't do too badly as I ended up there for 3 years and went from a temp, to a fixed term contract, to permanent. I can't have done too bad a job at holding it together, at making the right impression, at dealing with people then. It was a shame that the way the job was structured, away from the main group I worked with, meant there was a limited future there. So I kept my eyes open for jobs - and moved a year ago. Another new start.
Now I loved my "old" job - but it was a bit like swimming in shark infested waters. You always felt that if you showed any weakness, that would be it. You were expected to sell your soul to a large degree. It was thrilling, challenging, exciting but also tiring and draining. My new job is such a different culture - I wasn't entirely sure how I would adapt to it. But I like swimming in waters that have a more sensible threat level to them :)
Back in January I had the pleasure of meeting up with some ex-colleagues when one of them took early retirement.(I only seem to have commented on the train ride and the books at the time, not the purpose of the journey). They were some of the non-sharks, so it was great to meet up with them and remember some of the good stuff. But around a table of a dozen or so people most had either jumped, been pushed, or were expecting to be pushed - with the next round of redundancies. The world moves on.
You know I keep meaning to write more on what I am up to, and less about the LCT. Well just over a week ago I went to see Shrek 3. One of the tracks is Barracuda - which is a cover version (Fergie), but it got me thinking about the original. So the other evening I put some Heart on - mostly breakup music but actually quite uplifting as well. I must dig out some of my other 'old' stuff. I'd pretty much stopped listening to it as I was never by myself to listen to *my* choice. I find I am updating what music I like - I've missed out on a whole chunk by being out of the UK. We had a lunchtime Pilates class, and the instructor had a CD on. There was a song where the phrasing and use of language just had that hint of Elvis Costello to me - but it wasn't, it was Marc Cohn (I asked). So that made me want to dig out some Elvis Costello, and maybe find some Marc Cohn to listen to. *When* I get time ! Have to see what other treats I have hiding in among my CDs :D
Dealing with some of the stuff I heard the LCT had said about me - I started to realise that the ones I reacted most to were not about him, but about the events he was using to back them up. i.e. it was actually about something else entirely.
LCT and I were together for 11 years. Completely coincidently, I had been with my previous employer for 11 years when I was made redundant. I had an identity, a history, a "family" - and I lost them. In a way I did have time to grieve, to come to terms with it, as I was job hunting for 18 months. But during that time my focus was on what next, how to deal with the bills, selling houses, all those practical things that have to happen. So there are still some bits and pieces in there that are a little fragile.
In the meantime I got given another chance. Initially it was a 4 month contract, but I guess I didn't do too badly as I ended up there for 3 years and went from a temp, to a fixed term contract, to permanent. I can't have done too bad a job at holding it together, at making the right impression, at dealing with people then. It was a shame that the way the job was structured, away from the main group I worked with, meant there was a limited future there. So I kept my eyes open for jobs - and moved a year ago. Another new start.
Now I loved my "old" job - but it was a bit like swimming in shark infested waters. You always felt that if you showed any weakness, that would be it. You were expected to sell your soul to a large degree. It was thrilling, challenging, exciting but also tiring and draining. My new job is such a different culture - I wasn't entirely sure how I would adapt to it. But I like swimming in waters that have a more sensible threat level to them :)
Back in January I had the pleasure of meeting up with some ex-colleagues when one of them took early retirement.(I only seem to have commented on the train ride and the books at the time, not the purpose of the journey). They were some of the non-sharks, so it was great to meet up with them and remember some of the good stuff. But around a table of a dozen or so people most had either jumped, been pushed, or were expecting to be pushed - with the next round of redundancies. The world moves on.
You know I keep meaning to write more on what I am up to, and less about the LCT. Well just over a week ago I went to see Shrek 3. One of the tracks is Barracuda - which is a cover version (Fergie), but it got me thinking about the original. So the other evening I put some Heart on - mostly breakup music but actually quite uplifting as well. I must dig out some of my other 'old' stuff. I'd pretty much stopped listening to it as I was never by myself to listen to *my* choice. I find I am updating what music I like - I've missed out on a whole chunk by being out of the UK. We had a lunchtime Pilates class, and the instructor had a CD on. There was a song where the phrasing and use of language just had that hint of Elvis Costello to me - but it wasn't, it was Marc Cohn (I asked). So that made me want to dig out some Elvis Costello, and maybe find some Marc Cohn to listen to. *When* I get time ! Have to see what other treats I have hiding in among my CDs :D
posted by seahorse at 10:23 pm
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