Schrödinger's cat
well not so much the theory of a cat in an uncertain state, but more the point that observation changes the result...
I realised it is probably about time I reviewed this blog myself - to see how things have changed, or not. Yet even writing yesterday I was thinking of things I had not mentioned at the time. And I was coming up with more this morning on the train. I guess I'm learning how to do this thing - how to choose what to record and what not to.
And I know I have to be careful about what details I do or don't give - not so much the protect the LCT, but the innocent bystanders he has entangled with him :(
So in knowing I have an audience, both known and unknown, does that affect what I write ?
Way back when, I used to write as a way of letting off steam - but I found writing prose difficult and excruciatingly embarassing. It just seemed so pretentious. Even now I tend to write fast with limited editing (or spell checking ;)) I write and run...
But where in the past I could only write in "poems" (they were never for public consumption; calling them poems is a bit like saying I actually *run* rather than doing a fast jog ;) ) - well now I have writer's block and keep only getting the first line or two of something. Then it just peeters out :(
All of which could make reviewing my posts so far an interesting experience :S
I know I *am* changing - but actually becoming more myself. Simple things like the music (as I said yesterday). Or even clothes.
I think I have been adopting a form of camouflage. The situation with the LCT made me feel unattractive - and I know that tends to come through as clearly as if you had it tatooed across your forehead. But I think I also knew that I was vulnerable to anyone who treated me half decently. In 11 years, I was never really faced with temptation - luck ? Or was I subconsciously adopting behaviour, clothes etc that made that the outcome ? I know I have a logical rational explanation - that I got fed up with people not talking to my face if I wore anything other than a high neckline, that I wanted people to take me seriously. But none of those mean being unfeminine.
Now I find myself reconsidering. I'm still not a frills and fluffy person. But maybe I don't want to be invisible any more. Maybe I don't want to be in a box, in an uncertain state....
I realised it is probably about time I reviewed this blog myself - to see how things have changed, or not. Yet even writing yesterday I was thinking of things I had not mentioned at the time. And I was coming up with more this morning on the train. I guess I'm learning how to do this thing - how to choose what to record and what not to.
And I know I have to be careful about what details I do or don't give - not so much the protect the LCT, but the innocent bystanders he has entangled with him :(
So in knowing I have an audience, both known and unknown, does that affect what I write ?
Way back when, I used to write as a way of letting off steam - but I found writing prose difficult and excruciatingly embarassing. It just seemed so pretentious. Even now I tend to write fast with limited editing (or spell checking ;)) I write and run...
But where in the past I could only write in "poems" (they were never for public consumption; calling them poems is a bit like saying I actually *run* rather than doing a fast jog ;) ) - well now I have writer's block and keep only getting the first line or two of something. Then it just peeters out :(
All of which could make reviewing my posts so far an interesting experience :S
I know I *am* changing - but actually becoming more myself. Simple things like the music (as I said yesterday). Or even clothes.
I think I have been adopting a form of camouflage. The situation with the LCT made me feel unattractive - and I know that tends to come through as clearly as if you had it tatooed across your forehead. But I think I also knew that I was vulnerable to anyone who treated me half decently. In 11 years, I was never really faced with temptation - luck ? Or was I subconsciously adopting behaviour, clothes etc that made that the outcome ? I know I have a logical rational explanation - that I got fed up with people not talking to my face if I wore anything other than a high neckline, that I wanted people to take me seriously. But none of those mean being unfeminine.
Now I find myself reconsidering. I'm still not a frills and fluffy person. But maybe I don't want to be invisible any more. Maybe I don't want to be in a box, in an uncertain state....
posted by seahorse at 10:32 pm
3 Comments:
Seahorse,
How you dress is a personal decision, but the Frumpy=Intelligent argument has been dead quite a while.
Nowadays, you need to take the lowest common denominator approach. Namely, what should I wear that makes me look/feel great without actually crossing the office-tramp barrier.
It's easy to criticize (I should not, it's my day job), but you need to dress how you feel inside, not worry about what other people think outside.
If you constantly worry about what other people think, you'd never leave your front door.
My personal motto has always been "Live for yourself, not for others" and I would strongly commend that position to you.
Carpe Diem
Maledict
Sorry - I'm playing catchup. I've been busy gathering souls unto Satan (translation: implementing a nightmarish SAP Financials project).
M
hmmm - the image thing *is* about how I've felt about myself. I've felt unattractive, not wanted to attract attention etc (hard to believe I know).
but in addition, how people react to you IS affected by how you present yourself. You can affect that reaction by managing how you present yourself. Thats not rocket science ?
Not sure I've ever crossed the barrier to office-tramp mode, though perhaps the department outing to Rocky Horror was a close call ? :D
As for SAP - tell me about it ;) Or maybe not, I have my own SAP purgatory to deal with....was I so very wicked in a prior life ?!
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